By Remy E. Francis
GRANDE ANSE—Environmentalist and ridiculously specialized superhero, "Captain Planet", has vowed to reduce St. Lucia to a smouldering pile of volcanic, hurricane stricken rubble.
This latest threat is "long overdue", according to the Captain and is a direct result of having to endure years of poachers' thoughtless transgressions against Leatherback Turtles who migrate across vast expanses of ocean to lay on our tiny eastern shores.
The personified force of nature promised to launch hurricanes at us in rapid succession, flood our farmland and homes with nature's piss, and then maybe erupt our volcano, Qualibou, just for good measure. He cited that a society that could breed the kind of monsters who smash the heads of turtles with rocks before cutting them open to steal their yet-to-be-laid eggs needs to be wiped off the face of the planet as they may prove to be an even greater threat to life on Earth than five industrial revolutions combined.